my hedgeblog

hogshots

2010-01-24T18:01:00.003Z

so apparently every celebrity takes "headshots" for their agent to give out.

i'm smaller than a head, though, i thought it would be okay to do full body shots.
- muffin h. hog.

bowled over

2010-01-20T11:55:00.000Z

so my agent called this morning and told me that i needed to promote more products. but the only products i'm really interested in are things you can sit in, so may i present "bowls".

- muffin h. hog

hog vs. hen

2010-01-15T23:28:00.006Z

you know what's awesome?

chicken.
- muffin h. hog.

hogidays lost

2010-01-10T17:04:00.023Z

so the help finally got around to putting away their christmas decoarations today.

i don't understand why you would go through so much effort to put all these decorations up just knowing that you have to take them down, especially when you could be asleep instead.
- muffin h. hog

hog family robinson

2010-01-04T19:57:00.000Z

so you know how human relatives always come for the holidays and even though you're not working you still can't sleep all day because they bother you?

well as usual, hedgehogs know better. my cousin werner hedgehog just moved over from germany and even though he's been staying with me since christmas, he hasn't made a peep.

- muffin h. hog

hoggy new year

2010-01-01T02:58:00.011Z

i thought the best way to bring in the new year would be hiding under a log, but apparently my agent had other ideas and booked me a gig in times square.

i have to say, new york is a lot smaller than i thought it would be.
- muffin h. hog.

hoggy christmas

2009-12-25T12:35:00.000Z

sometimes it's hard to get away from the cameras in this house, and i thought hiding under the christmas hat was a pretty good idea. and then before you know it, i'm in a music video.

i guess life is pretty unpredictable when you're famous. i also guess i'll need to find another hiding place.
- muffin h. hog

hogdeer

2009-12-22T17:28:00.000Z

the last time i checked, none of santa's reindeer were named "muffin".

so enough with the antlers, thanks.
- muffin h. hog

some hog over the rainbow

2009-12-11T16:30:00.000Z

so you know that song from the wizard of oz about lions and tigers and bears? it sounds catchy and fun, but i bet it makes you want to stay out of the forest. that's why i like to squeak it sometimes when people get near my cage because it reminds them that i am scary. then they leave me alone so i can go back to sleep.

- muffin h. hog.

hedgechef

2009-12-03T21:16:00.000Z

would you put your child down on the burners to run around? probably not. i was really close to calling tiggywinkles, but then i thought i better not to risk losing my free ride.

- muffin h. hog.

dial m for muffin

2009-12-01T18:08:00.002Z

so today the help decided to decorate my cage, which i think probably means that a camera crew from mtv cribs will be over any minute.

i don't really mind that much though because shiny things are distracting, so maybe people will forget that they came to wake me up when they see my cage tinsel.
- muffin h. hog

hogsgiving

2009-11-27T22:55:00.000Z

thanksgiving is a pretty great holiday, because all you have to do is eat a lot and then go to sleep, which is what being a hedgehog is kind of all about.

- muffin h. hog.

hogdini

2009-11-22T21:00:00.000Z

sometimes it's amazing what you have to do to get away from the paparazzi.

- muffin h. hog.

hemming and pawing

2009-11-16T23:24:00.000Z

according to my trainer, it's usually a good idea to have a nice stretch before you hit the exercise wheel, even if your legs are less than an inch long.

- muffin h. hog.

hogurrito

2009-11-08T22:04:00.000Z

i can't say i was that excited about a picture that makes me look like an edible mexican staple, but at least i am not a chicken, a pig, or a cow.

- muffin h. hog.

hogadonna

2009-11-06T23:56:00.000Z

i called my agent immediately after this picture was taken.

- muffin h. hog.

hogoween

2009-10-31T19:13:00.000Z

can you guess my halloween costume? you can probably tell from the pictures how much i enjoyed wearing it.

in case you need it, here is a hint.

i guess it could be worse though because at least this house doesn't have a hall of mirrors full of other scary wardrobe choices from the 80s.

- muffin h. hog

soilent hog

2009-10-20T18:18:00.001+01:00

i can't believe this used to be legal

but just in case people forget that hedgehogs are a protected species, i called my lawyer and she thought it might be worth reminding them.

so don't try to eat me or i will sue you.
- muffin h. hog

hoglift

2009-10-12T23:23:00.000+01:00

my agent took me to a plastic veterinary surgeon over the weekend because he said there are lots of hedgehogs out there and you can always look younger, but i think i look best when i am left alone.

so next time, don't call me before noon.
- muffin h. hog.

chogolate

2009-10-08T22:04:00.001+01:00

chocolate is probably the best reason to get out of bed.

- muffin h. hog.

arm & hogger

2009-09-30T19:27:00.001+01:00

so my agent called me today about getting my teeth whitened.

i don't understand why being famous has to involve leaving your cage so much, but i guess if i can still eat chocolate after then i'll be okay.
- muffin h. hog.

hungry hungry hedgehog

2009-09-20T22:02:00.000+01:00

probably the best thing about living in a city is delivery

because i think the best kind of food you can eat is the kind that lets you stay in your cage all day.
- muffin h. hog.

waterhogged

2009-09-08T18:53:00.002+01:00

i really hate the water

but being helplessly stranded on an upside down pot in the middle of bathtub is not only awful, it is embarrassing.

- muffin h. hog.

spaghedgi

2009-09-07T23:55:00.000+01:00

when i got a call about this photo shoot, i thought they were joking.

they weren't, so "i love spaghetti."
- muffin h. hog.

hog rights

2009-09-01T23:15:00.000+01:00

so i am not usually very activist because i think sleep is more important than rights but did you know that hedgehogs are illegal some places?

how messed up is it that i can't go to the spa in california and sleep for a week straight, because that is probably the best part about being famous.

- muffin h. hog.

boxed out

2009-08-21T19:32:00.000+01:00

can you find me?

i hope not.
- muffin h. hog.

skinny muffin

2009-08-14T23:55:00.001+01:00

just to clarify, you are not the first person to think it is cute to call me "mini-muffin" because i am a pygmy hedgehog.

ha. ha. ha.
- muffin h. hog.

hogheels

2009-08-03T20:08:00.000+01:00

i guess the only good thing about being in the kitchen sink is that when people take everything but the kitchen sink, they will leave you behind and let you go back to sleep.
- muffin h. hog.

hedgespa

2009-07-27T22:14:00.000+01:00

i don't know why people think baths are relaxing.

hiding under a towel and sleeping is way better than floating on your back and trying to keep your head out of water. sometimes i think people really just don't get it. other times i know they don't.
- muffin h. hog.

hog lite

2009-07-20T20:40:00.000+01:00

i'm not sure if the help bought these twiglets to remind me of the forest

but not even hedgehogs like marmite, and the only good bag of twiglets is an empty one.
- muffin h. hog.

hedgebag

2009-07-15T22:56:00.000+01:00

so when i got in this bag, i thought, at least people won't be able to see me and maybe they'll leave me alone to sleep.

i was wrong

and now i think i now how fish feel, which is way worse than hedgehogs.
- muffin h. hog.

hog and go seek

2009-07-07T18:20:00.000+01:00

i don't understand why socks only come in pairs instead of in fours. don't humans have four limbs, too?

i guess sometimes people are just dumb.
- muffin h. hog

hog-a-by baby

2009-06-30T23:11:00.000+01:00

my tip for the day is that if you work hard enough,

you can turn anything into a pillow.
- muffin h. hog.

having a ball

2009-06-24T03:40:00.000+01:00

the only thing i liked about being in a giant plastic ball

is that it made it way easier to pee all over the living room.
- muffin h. hog.

totally tubular

2009-06-18T17:50:00.000+01:00

as someone who often hides in circular objects,

suffice it to say this is not the result i was expecting.
- muffin h. hog.

room for one more

2009-06-06T23:52:00.000+01:00

can you see what i'm doing in this picture?

nope. that's why i love my log house.
- muffin h. hog.

bedrest

2009-05-29T20:37:00.000+01:00

this is a shameless plea to get the help to buy me an egyptian cotton duvet.
- muffin h. hog.

on top of the world

2009-05-27T19:35:00.000+01:00

the help thought this was really, really funny

but that's probably because nobody got them out of bed to make them stand on a globe.

- muffin h. hog.

come fly with me

2009-05-16T22:23:00.000+01:00

apparently for small humans, this feels like flying.

fyi, i think for hedgehogs it just feels exhausting, uncomfortable, and slightly humiliating.
- muffin h. hog.

superhog

2009-05-02T10:31:00.001+01:00

i don't know where they sell hedgehog masks

but i would love to have one because it looks like the perfect disguise, and nobody will ever bother me if i'm in disguise because they won't recognize me.
- muffin h. hog

hog overboard

2009-04-28T22:54:00.000+01:00

you wouldn't think hedgehogs would know how to swim, would you?

but don't take this to mean that i like being put in a giant white tub with steep slippery walls. if you think about it, it really sounds like a crime, doesn't it. it's a good thing the help keep feeding me so regularly or this would be a real problem.
- muffin h. hog.

mayfair or bust

2009-04-21T22:47:00.000+01:00

i was thinking today, and you know what's better than a big cage? a bigger cage.

see you in mayfair.
- muffin h. hog.

hogdog

2009-04-09T11:44:00.000+01:00

my agent called me today and told me to get a dog because everyone who is famous has to have at least one. so this is my new dog:

her name is baguette and she is awesome because she doesn't make a sound and she never bothers me. i think everybody should be more like baguette.
- muffin h. hog.

muffini

2009-04-02T16:27:00.000+01:00

i don't understand why the fuss about martinis is.

they are incredibly uncomfortable, for one thing.
- muffin h. hog.

debutante

2009-03-28T23:22:00.001Z

this cake makes me really nervous

because what if i fall asleep and somebody decides that i look like a dessert?

that's why whenever i'm asleep and i hear people coming, i make sure to make a lot of unpleasant noises so they know i am alive.

- muffin h. hog.

gossip hog

2009-03-19T10:44:00.000Z

my agent sent me this magazine today.

i think he wants me to know just how far you can go even if you were born behind bars like me and leighton.
- muffin h. hog.

kiss the hog

2009-03-17T19:04:00.001Z

i dont know a lot about saint patrick, but apparently he got famous from getting rid of all the snakes in ireland. i don't really like snakes much either, but i hope he's not coming back for hedgehogs.

- muffin h. hog.

papped

2009-03-14T19:32:00.001Z

these days it seems like you can't even run from hiding place to hiding place without the paparazzi on your tail. can you beileve how brazen this one was?

the good thing about being a hedgehog is, you don't need giant sunglasses to hide your face.

- muffin h. hog.

hogerella

2009-03-05T20:20:00.000Z

you know that story about that girl who loses a shoe and then somebody really rich shows up at her door with it?

i bet that shoe wasn't an old gym shoe. sigh...
- muffin h. hog.

squeaking and clean

2009-02-28T11:19:00.000Z

i really really hate water and i don't understand why i have to take baths. there are tons of famous people who don't take baths!

so next time leave me alone in my cage and maybe i will become a grammy winning artist.

- muffin h. hog.

two beautiful hogs stand before me...

2009-02-16T23:15:00.002Z

which one of these hedgehogs do you think looks grumpy?

in case you didn't figure it out, it's a trick question. they are both me, so they are both extremely grumpy because they have both been woken up and taken out of their cages. just saying.

- muffin h. hog.

exorcist exercise

2009-02-10T23:44:00.000Z

i can do this great trick sometimes:

it might not look great, but it scares people off while you're doing it, which is definitely great. so next time you think about picking me up, first think about my trick.
- muffin h. hog.

hogbama

2009-01-25T17:43:00.001Z

so apparently everyone in america has an obama now?

i don't know what an obama is, but it's probably not worth getting out of bed for.
- muffin h. hog.

getting cagey

2009-01-11T07:36:00.000Z

this is my home:

it's pretty awesome, but it would be even better if it didn't open, because then nobody would bother me.
- muffin h. hog.

hogtown

2009-01-10T12:27:00.000Z

so you're probably thinking, what kind of hedgehog drives a mercedes?

but i wouldn't know, because i spent the whole ride to london in a small plastic container.

- muffin h. hog.