hoggy christmas

sometimes it's hard to get away from the cameras in this house, and i thought hiding under the christmas hat was a pretty good idea.  and then before you know it, i'm in a music video.
  
i guess life is pretty unpredictable when you're famous.  i also guess i'll need to find another hiding place.
- muffin h. hog

hogdeer

the last time i checked, none of santa's reindeer were named "muffin". 

so enough with the antlers, thanks.
- muffin h. hog

some hog over the rainbow

so you know that song from the wizard of oz about lions and tigers and bears? it sounds catchy and fun, but i bet it makes you want to stay out of the forest. that's why i like to squeak it sometimes when people get near my cage because it reminds them that i am scary. then they leave me alone so i can go back to sleep.

- muffin h. hog.

hedgechef

would you put your child down on the burners to run around?  probably not.  i was really close to calling tiggywinkles, but then i thought i better not to risk losing my free ride.

- muffin h. hog.

dial m for muffin

so today the help decided to decorate my cage, which i think probably means that a camera crew from mtv cribs will be over any minute.

i don't really mind that much though because shiny things are distracting, so maybe people will forget that they came to wake me up when they see my cage tinsel.
- muffin h. hog

hogsgiving

thanksgiving is a pretty great holiday, because all you have to do is eat a lot and then go to sleep, which is what being a hedgehog is kind of all about.

- muffin h. hog.

hogdini

sometimes it's amazing what you have to do to get away from the paparazzi. 

- muffin h. hog.

hemming and pawing

according to my trainer, it's usually a good idea to have a nice stretch before you hit the exercise wheel, even if your legs are less than an inch long.

- muffin h. hog.

hogurrito

i can't say i was that excited about a picture that makes me look like an edible mexican staple, but at least i am not a chicken, a pig, or a cow.

- muffin h. hog.

hogadonna

i called my agent immediately after this picture was taken.

- muffin h. hog.

hogoween

can you guess my halloween costume?  you can probably tell from the pictures how much i enjoyed wearing it.

in case you need it, here is a hint.

i guess it could be worse though because at least this house doesn't have a hall of mirrors full of other scary wardrobe choices from the 80s.

-  muffin h. hog

soilent hog

i can't believe this used to be legal

but just in case people forget that hedgehogs are a protected species, i called my lawyer and she thought it might be worth reminding them.

so don't try to eat me or i will sue you.
- muffin h. hog

hoglift

my agent took me to a plastic veterinary surgeon over the weekend because he said there are lots of hedgehogs out there and you can always look younger, but i think i look best when i am left alone. 

so next time, don't call me before noon.
- muffin h. hog.

chogolate

chocolate is probably the best reason to get out of bed.

- muffin h. hog.

arm & hogger

so my agent called me today about getting my teeth whitened.

i don't understand why being famous has to involve leaving your cage so much, but i guess if i can still eat chocolate after then i'll be okay.
- muffin h. hog.

hungry hungry hedgehog

probably the best thing about living in a city is delivery

because i think the best kind of food you can eat is the kind that lets you stay in your cage all day. 
- muffin h. hog.

waterhogged

i really hate the water

but being helplessly stranded on an upside down pot in the middle of bathtub is not only awful, it is embarrassing.

- muffin h. hog.

spaghedgi

when i got a call about this photo shoot, i thought they were joking.

they weren't, so "i love spaghetti."
- muffin h. hog.

hog rights

so i am not usually very activist because i think sleep is more important than rights but did you know that hedgehogs are illegal some places?

how messed up is it that i can't go to the spa in california and sleep for a week straight, because that is probably the best part about being famous.

- muffin h. hog.

boxed out

can you find me?

i hope not.
- muffin h. hog.

skinny muffin

just to clarify, you are not the first person to think it is cute to call me "mini-muffin" because i am a pygmy hedgehog.

ha. ha. ha.
- muffin h. hog.

hogheels

i guess the only good thing about being in the kitchen sink is that when people take everything but the kitchen sink, they will leave you behind and let you go back to sleep.
- muffin h. hog.

hedgespa

i don't know why people think baths are relaxing. 

hiding under a towel and sleeping is way better than floating on your back and trying to keep your head out of water. sometimes i think people really just don't get it.  other times i know they don't.
- muffin h. hog.

hog lite

i'm not sure if the help bought these twiglets to remind me of the forest

but not even hedgehogs like marmite, and the only good bag of twiglets is an empty one.
- muffin h. hog.

hedgebag

so when i got in this bag, i thought, at least people won't be able to see me and maybe they'll leave me alone to sleep.

i was wrong

and now i think i now how fish feel, which is way worse than hedgehogs.
- muffin h. hog.

hog and go seek

i don't understand why socks only come in pairs instead of in fours. don't humans have four limbs, too?

i guess sometimes people are just dumb.
- muffin h. hog

hog-a-by baby

my tip for the day is that if you work hard enough,

you can turn anything into a pillow.
- muffin h. hog.

having a ball

the only thing i liked about being in a giant plastic ball

is that it made it way easier to pee all over the living room.
- muffin h. hog.

totally tubular

as someone who often hides in circular objects,

suffice it to say this is not the result i was expecting.
- muffin h. hog.

room for one more

can you see what i'm doing in this picture?

nope. that's why i love my log house. 
- muffin h. hog.

bedrest

this is a shameless plea to get the help to buy me an egyptian cotton duvet.
- muffin h. hog.

on top of the world

the help thought this was really, really funny

but that's probably because nobody got them out of bed to make them stand on a globe.

- muffin h. hog.

come fly with me

apparently for small humans, this feels like flying.

fyi, i think for hedgehogs it just feels exhausting, uncomfortable, and slightly humiliating.
- muffin h. hog.

superhog

i don't know where they sell hedgehog masks

but i would love to have one because it looks like the perfect disguise, and nobody will ever bother me if i'm in disguise because they won't recognize me.
- muffin h. hog

hog overboard

you wouldn't think hedgehogs would know how to swim, would you?  

but don't take this to mean that i like being put in a giant white tub with steep slippery walls. if you think about it, it really sounds like a crime, doesn't it. it's a good thing the help keep feeding me so regularly or this would be a real problem.
- muffin h. hog.

mayfair or bust

i was thinking today, and you know what's better than a big cage?  a bigger cage.

see you in mayfair.
- muffin h. hog.

hogdog

my agent called me today and told me to get a dog because everyone who is famous has to have at least one. so this is my new dog:

her name is baguette and she is awesome because she doesn't make a sound and she never bothers me. i think everybody should be more like baguette.
- muffin h. hog.

muffini

i don't understand why the fuss about martinis is.

they are incredibly uncomfortable, for one thing.
- muffin h. hog.

debutante

this cake makes me really nervous

because what if i fall asleep and somebody decides that i look like a dessert?

that's why whenever i'm asleep and i hear people coming, i make sure to make a lot of unpleasant noises so they know i am alive.

- muffin h. hog.

gossip hog

my agent sent me this magazine today.

i think he wants me to know just how far you can go even if you were born behind bars like me and leighton.
- muffin h. hog.

kiss the hog

i dont know a lot about saint patrick, but apparently he got famous from getting rid of all the snakes in ireland.  i don't really like snakes much either, but i hope he's not coming back for hedgehogs. 

- muffin h. hog.

papped

these days it seems like you can't even run from hiding place to hiding place without the paparazzi on your tail. can you beileve how brazen this one was?

the good thing about being a hedgehog is, you don't need giant sunglasses to hide your face.

- muffin h. hog.

hogerella

you know that story about that girl who loses a shoe and then somebody really rich shows up at her door with it? 

i bet that shoe wasn't an old gym shoe.  sigh...
- muffin h. hog.

squeaking and clean

i really really hate water and i don't understand why i have to take baths.  there are tons of famous people who don't take baths!

so next time leave me alone in my cage and maybe i will become a grammy winning artist.

- muffin h. hog.