hog overboard

you wouldn't think hedgehogs would know how to swim, would you?  

but don't take this to mean that i like being put in a giant white tub with steep slippery walls. if you think about it, it really sounds like a crime, doesn't it. it's a good thing the help keep feeding me so regularly or this would be a real problem.
- muffin h. hog.

mayfair or bust

i was thinking today, and you know what's better than a big cage?  a bigger cage.

see you in mayfair.
- muffin h. hog.

hogdog

my agent called me today and told me to get a dog because everyone who is famous has to have at least one. so this is my new dog:

her name is baguette and she is awesome because she doesn't make a sound and she never bothers me. i think everybody should be more like baguette.
- muffin h. hog.

muffini

i don't understand why the fuss about martinis is.

they are incredibly uncomfortable, for one thing.
- muffin h. hog.