on top of the world

the help thought this was really, really funny

but that's probably because nobody got them out of bed to make them stand on a globe.

- muffin h. hog.

come fly with me

apparently for small humans, this feels like flying.

fyi, i think for hedgehogs it just feels exhausting, uncomfortable, and slightly humiliating.
- muffin h. hog.

superhog

i don't know where they sell hedgehog masks

but i would love to have one because it looks like the perfect disguise, and nobody will ever bother me if i'm in disguise because they won't recognize me.
- muffin h. hog

hog overboard

you wouldn't think hedgehogs would know how to swim, would you?  

but don't take this to mean that i like being put in a giant white tub with steep slippery walls. if you think about it, it really sounds like a crime, doesn't it. it's a good thing the help keep feeding me so regularly or this would be a real problem.
- muffin h. hog.

mayfair or bust

i was thinking today, and you know what's better than a big cage?  a bigger cage.

see you in mayfair.
- muffin h. hog.

hogdog

my agent called me today and told me to get a dog because everyone who is famous has to have at least one. so this is my new dog:

her name is baguette and she is awesome because she doesn't make a sound and she never bothers me. i think everybody should be more like baguette.
- muffin h. hog.

muffini

i don't understand why the fuss about martinis is.

they are incredibly uncomfortable, for one thing.
- muffin h. hog.